Tynan on Tech

(Here’s my weekly news quiz. You can find a groovy scripted version that totes up your score at Infoworld. Here you’re on your own. Answers follow after the jump.)

You Don’t Know Tech: 15 February 2008

by Dan Tynan

Buying, selling, jumping, and dumping — it’s been a busy week in technology. And like the news, this quiz has Yahoo all over it. Can you acquire a perfect score? It’s harder than it looks. Award yourself 10 points for each correct answer (sorry, no partials this time). Ready? Then get cracking.

1. It turns out Yahoo isn’t emotionally unavailable, it’s just playing hard to get. What did Yahoo hint would help Microsoft close the deal?

a. A seat on the Microsoft board for Jerry Yang
b. $40 a share
c. Retaining Yahoo brands (don’t forget the exclamation point!)
d. A restraining order keeping Steve Ballmer 800 miles from Sunnyvale

2. Meanwhile, Yahoo is mulling some merger and/or acquisition plans of its own. Who is the tottering Net giant rumored to be eyeing?

a. AOL
b. VZW
c. HBO
d. GWB

3. “[We were] at a place where we were evaluating who our right go-forward partners should be, and as we looked at who could provide that in the best possible way, AT&T continuously came back to the front.” What silver-tongued devil foisted that mouthful onto the world?

a. Chris Bruzzo, Starbucks CTO
b. Greg Joswiak, Apple iPhone product manager
c. Steve Elfman, InfoSpace executive VP
d. Marco Boerries, Yahoo Connected Life executive VP

4. While Starbucks was dumping T-Mobile, the wireless carrier’s European division decided to drop Google and jump to another mobile search provider. Which one?

a. JumpTap
b. Ask Mobile
c. Booble
d. Yahoo

5. And those T-Mobile Sidekicks may soon be sporting another familiar brand name. Whose?

a. Apple
b. Microsoft
c. Comcast
d. Yahoo

6. Not wanting to be left out of the fun, Google is also in an acquisitive mood — at least, according to the TechCrunch rumor mill. Which of the following companies is the search king NOT rumored to be buying?

a. Plaxo
b. Bebo
c. MySpace
d. Yahoo

7. The FBI issued a warning to consumers about a new cyber threat. What are the federales concerned about?

a. e-Jihadists launching a massive dDOS attack
b. The Storm worm masquerading as Valentines emails
c. Hack attacks on corporate VoIP servers
d. Computers wired to explode when pinged, just like in Live Free or Die Hard

8. Despite Microsoft’s $240 million investment last fall, Bill Gates has decided to delete his own Facebook account. Why?

a. He can’t keep up with 8,000 friend requests a day
b. Steve Jobs keeps throwing sheep at him
c. He’s tired of writing “Bill is master of the universe” in his status updates
d. He can’t get anyone else to join the I Love Windows Vista group

9. Congressman Ed Markey (D-Mass.) has just re-introduced a bill designed to keep ISPs from throttling certain types of Net traffic. What’s it called?

a. Net Neutrality Act of 2008
b. Internet Freedom Preservation Act
c. Preserve Internet Freedom Amendment
d. Information Wants to Be Free Act

10. Time for your weekly math bath. Take the songs downloaded by fans of Harmonix’ Rockband game and divide by the number of Mac Pros owned by radio host Rush Limbaugh. Add the number of hot fixes rolled up into Windows Vista Service Pack 1, then turn the volume way down low. What does it sound like?

a. 5,621
b. 526,515
c. 625,551
d. Yahoo

(For the answers, see the next page)

Question 1: What will it take for Microsoft to win Yahoo’s heart?

10 points
b. $40 a share

Yahoo’s board officially rejected Microsoft’s acquisition offer this week, saying it felt the company was worth much more than Redmond was offering. Microsoft termed the response “unfortunate” and vowed to continue urging individual investors to take the money and run, before Yahoo’s ego (and their offer) implodes.

Question 2: What TLA* is Yahoo allegedly interested in buying?

10 points
a. AOL

Chocolate meets peanut butter, or gasoline meets laundry detergent? A merger of Yahoo and AOL could result in a delicious melt-in-your-mouth confection or Napalm, depending on your perspective. But so far, it’s just one of those rumors that have been around forever — you know, like the one where Microsoft buys Yahoo?

* Three Letter Acronym

Question 3: Whose right go-forward partner came back to the front?

10 points
a. Chris Bruzzo, Starbucks CTO

He was talking about Starbucks’ decision to ditch T-Mobile and adopt AT&T as its new Wi-Fi partner in the company’s 17 billion coffee houses. (Wait — another one just opened inside my bathroom!) Perhaps Bruzzo should cut back on the triple mochachino lattes before he talks to the press.

Question 4: Who’s T-Mobile Europe jumping into bed with now?

10 points
d. Yahoo

Doesn’t anybody read the papers over there? Apparently not, because starting next month T-Mobile subscribers across the pond will see Yahoo’s oneSearch on their handsets, not Google Mobile. Hey, they can always just search and replace “oneSearch” with “Windows Live Mobile” later.

Question 5: Who’s adopting a new Sidekick?

10 points
b. Microsoft

Microsoft is buying Danger, maker of the Sidekick handhelds, for an undisclosed sum. Analysts tagged the deal as a possible prelude to a Zune-phone. The deal makes sense in at least one way — “Danger” has always been Microsoft’s middle name.

Question 6: Who is Google NOT allegedly trying to acquire?

10 points
d. Yahoo

Though the blogosphere has been abuzz with speculation that Google would enter the Microsoft-Yahoo fray, not even rumor-happy TechCrunch is predicting the G-men will try to buy Yahoo outright, due to antitrust issues. But Plaxo, Bebo, and MySpace? They’re allegedly all on the menu at the Googleplex.

Question 7: What new cyberthreat is worrying the Feds?

10 points
b. The Storm worm masquerading as Valentines emails

The FBI issued its alert this week, though Storm-laden Valentines have been bouncing around the Net for nearly a month. The messages lure visitors to a malware-laden site, where they’re prompted to launch an executable greeting card that infects them with the Storm Trojan. And then afterwards never calls.

Question 8: Why is Bill Gates delisting himself from Facebook?

10 points
a. He can’t keep up with 8,000 friend requests a day

When you’re the world’s America’s richest man, everybody wants to be your friend. Bill says he’s overwhelmed by the attention and needs a break. Of course, saying you’re quitting Facebook is one thing. Actually being allowed to do it is another.

Question 9: What’s the latest Net Neutrality legislation called?

10 points
b. Internet Freedom Preservation Act

This neutered version of the Net Neutrality legislation killed by a Republican Congress in 2006 urges ISPs to treat all bits equally, but without specifying penalties for those who don’t. Even so, it’s already being opposed by all the usual suspects. Information may want to be free, but broadband providers really like getting paid.

Question 10: What’s Rockband divided by Rush plus Vista hot fixes?

10 points
c. 625,551

Fans of Rockband have downloaded 2.5 million songs in the game’s first eight weeks, with Metallica leading the list. Righteous Rush has taken to the airwaves to complain about problems with his four Mac Pros. ZDnet’s Ed Bott tallied up all the hot fixes in SP1 and came up with 551. So (2.5M/4) + 551 = 625,551. Rock on, dude — and be sure to tune in next week for another headbanging quiz.

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